Yikes!

I read this on:
Working Dad: by Paul Nyhan

Dads can do plenty to help their daughters with image issues

My daughter sat in her creaky, wooden high chair last week, blissfully happy in her chubby 2-year-old frame, and I worried.

I worried because in a few years this toddler will stand at the edge of the nation's body-image vortex, swirling with size 00 jeans, underfed celebrities glorified in gossip magazines, the latest "America's Next Top Model" and an unrelenting marketing drumbeat that skinnier is better.

How do I keep her from falling in?

My New Year's resolution is to help my daughter prepare for the mind-numbingly complex, sometimes fictitious image of the female body. Unfortunately, I am out of my element.

Today, involved dads are entering unfamiliar territory, such as body-image anxiety. They want to help, but don't always know how, says Harvard Medical University researcher Dr. Nancy Etcoff. When Etcoff gives a speech these days, dads ask a lot of the questions.

"They don't know what to say to their daughters, how to help them," said Etcoff, who also runs Massachusetts General Hospital's aesthetics and well-being program. "Right now there is a really troubled body image. It is really hard to feel confident."

It is also a scary time to raise a daughter. Girls as young as 7 are now treated for anorexia, more than 40 percent of girls in first, second and third grade wish they were thinner, and the number of reported cases of anorexia and bulimia is rising, according to the Seattle-based National Association of Eating Disorders.

As dads take on more at home, they can help their daughters to deal with these problems. For example, when she complains about her weight, don't dismiss her by saying, "Oh, don't be silly, you're beautiful," Etcoff urges.

Listen. Help her digest the messages she absorbs on YouTube, the E! channel, MTV and ever-growing media outlets.

I'm not generally an over-anxious parent, and my daughter is only 2. But I've known enough bulimics and body-haters to worry.

I also am not alone. More dads are asking Heather Blessington, a former model who writes about body image at the blog www.mamavision.com, for help.

"I think they are just sick of it," said Blessington.

They may be sick of it because the nation's body image is ailing.

When they look in a mirror more than 40 percent of girls and young women see flaws, 90 percent want to change something about their appearance and 77 percent would trade bodies with a celebrity, according to the 2006 report "Beyond Stereotypes: Rebuilding the Foundation of Beauty and Beliefs," sponsored by Unilever's Dove brand.

"I think we are in very bad shape in terms of overall opinions women have of their bodies," said Dr. Rose Calderon, clinical director of the eating disorders program at Seattle Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center.

The insecurity is sad but not surprising. A decade ago, Hollywood trotted out Ally McBeal and her reed-thin arms. Then even-skinnier Lara Flynn Boyle arrived. Now, ABC's "Desperate Housewives" shows few traditional curves.

But, the entertainment world is only one layer of a body-image debate rich with blame and defensiveness, ranging from unrealistic fashions and designers, to Photoshopped faces in ad campaigns and checked-out parents.

The problem is inflamed by the 21st-century parent's latest worry: cyberbullying. Kids taunt with photos snapped with their cellular phones, sabotage MySpace and Facebook pages, and send text insults, making a girl's self-esteem even more vulnerable.

There were always bullies, but now they are more focused on your looks, according to Lynn Grefe, chief executive officer of the National Eating Disorders Association.

"From what I have heard from the teens I have worked with it is pretty vicious out there," Seattle Children's Calderon said.

But, there is a deepening crosscurrent. In the past two years, British superstar Kate Winslet bashed Hollywood's skinny culture, Jennifer Love Hewitt defended her curves and Dove began its Campaign for Real Beauty, complete with viral videos, self-esteem workshops and a 2006 Super Bowl ad.

"There is a countervoice. I think we are at a point where hopefully things are getting better," said Harvard's Etcoff, who worked on Dove's 2006 report.

And a parent's voice is still louder than the media.

Surveys "show parents' opinions are vastly more important to teens and young kids than what goes on on TV," Calderon said."Look at the media they are looking at. Listen to the songs and videos and lyrics, really understand what's coming in, and their world, and talk about" it, Etcoff said.

"If you are going to give a compliment, make it real and make it specific," Etcoff added.

A mother remains her daughter's leading role model, but a father makes critical impressions that help forge the type of man his daughter will date and marry, Calderon adds. Both mom and dad set examples when they talk about their own bodies, eat and watch movies and television.

Talk to your daughters about these skinny celebrities. Encourage their interests outside of fashion and image and boost their self-esteem by simply hanging out with them, experts suggest.

Like so many parenting problems, the family dinner is one of the best antidotes, Calderon said.

"You just like being with them, that is what you want to convey to them."

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My thoughts:

I feel very scared and sad for my daughter and the other littles growing up in todays crazy society- puts more pressure on me as the parent to lead my kids in the right direction! Hopefully, I'll have a positive influence on them! :-)

Here's the link to Paul Nyhan's blog that has the "You Tube" clips he writes about. Pretty moving!

Go Girls

Pretty cool... given all the "lovely" role models our young girls have these days.

Check it out: Girls Rock: the movie.

Good Luck

I received a few gift cards from Santa this year and decided to head out to the old mall tonight for some shopping... kid free, of course. I resolved to "only buy for me" since I usually head right to the kids stores. Anyway, I went to a few shops, looked around for a bit, and then headed to Macy's. Lo and behold, I hit it big!! Found a wonderfully helpful sales associate- she was funny, friendly, polite, had good style, and most important- was HONEST about what looked good and what didn't! I ended up with a bunch of things that I liked, mentally added everything together in my head, and said to myself, "This is way too much money." My new sales associate friend heard me and said, "Don't worry, I'll hook you up." I wasn't quite sure what she meant but decided to "go" with it.

End of story- I got about 240 dollars worth of clothes for 140!!!! And she gave me her card and encouraged me to call her anytime to arrange a shopping trip. I felt like I just "clicked" with her and I definitely will call next time I'm in the market for something new.

Whoo-hooo, yeah for me! I then went to Barnes and Nobles, got a hot caramel apple cider, and relaxed with a few books!

Oh, I did go into Gymboree (of course) and found a few deals for Ms. Le...

Were they really THIS small??

And now onto BIGGER things...

12/26/07- Logan turns 5!!!!
Talk about a shitty day to have a birthday!?!

We always try to make a big deal of Lo's b-day since, after all, it is the day after Christmas and everyone is exhausted, busy returning unwanted gifts, out of town, or extremely hung over!!!

Lo, of course, knows nothing else and he is just happy to receive "a few more extra presents." We started the day with a little scavenger hunt to find a few b-day surprises. Logan got a kick out of this! We chilled out at home for a bit playing with ALL the new toys and then met some friends for open gym playtime at the Gymnastics Academy and a birthday lunch. Home, nap/rest time and then off to Tutta-Bella for family birthday celebration. All in all, Logan had a fun day, felt special, and is proud to be 5.

FYI

With all the angst about how TV and video games are turning our kids violent, here is a welcome insight:

Surveys and studies "show parents opinions are vastly more important to teens and young kids than what goes on on TV," said clinical director of the Eating Disorders Program at Seattle Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center. "You are far more powerful already than any media attention."

Christmas Cheer 2007

Christmas was great- although on the 24th, I was ready to cancel the whole thing with two rambunctious kids going crazy all day long!! Of course, it ended up being a ton of fun for everyone. After all, how could it not be fun with a 5 year old and a 3 year old????

Some highlights included:

...christmas eve party...decorating cookies w/ friends...visits to see the reindeer...christmas songs and shows...Santa boat ride...Christmas lights galore... plenty of snacks, drinks, and special notes to Santa and reindeer...endless trips to the front porch and backyard for Santa sightings...Uncle sleeping over... PRESENTS... rescue heroes...my little ponies... scooters for all...baby alive...mega rigs... lincoln logs and kinex...books and art supplies...games...Barbie pet shop...magnetic dart board...cutest clothes ever...legos...digital cameras for kids...spa gift card for mama!!!...coat with furry hood...scarf and mittens...gift cards...mimosa...maple logs...waking up at 7am...more presents at G&Gs...dvds, movies, XBox games...matching pjs...transformers...laptop computers...jewelry...SNOW on Christmas...pink lawn mower... surf/turf dinner...good company...good food...good fun!!!

However, as Logan says: "Christmas is mostly about being with family and friends and doing fun things together." Mission Accomplished!

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO MADE OUR CHRISTMAS MERRY AND BRIGHT!!

As told by Logan & Leah:

"Wow, Santa musta thought we were extra good this year. I mean, like super good."
"Amazing, I didn't even hear Santa and Red Nose and I listened all night long for 'um."
"Oooooooohhhhh, just what I wanted."
"Logan/Mama/Dada/Gramma/Uncle/Papa- this one is for YOU. For you. From Santa."
"I have to take a nap now because I did so much present opening."

Christmas Cuties

1, 2, 3... LEAH!

Our little Leah turned three on 11/29. Yes, my little baby girl has grown up into a fun-loving, independent, confident, stubborn, happy, silly, and super cute preschooler. Leah loves babies- real ones and her dolls. My friend Julie jokes and says that she should hire Le to be her nanny for her Baby Davis! And it's true- Le is so sweet, caring, gentle, and loving with all babies she knows. She loves riding her bike and is so proud of herself for pedaling on her own. She loves dancing and is a little ballerina and gymnast- twirling and doing somersaults wherever she can. Leah has style- she knows what she wants to wear and don't try to tell her otherwise. She has a "plan and reason" for everything she does. Leah enjoys playing with Logan but is becoming much more selective in her play activities. She no longer plays cars and trucks... but scams Logan to play dolls, princesses, and dress-up. Le loves play-doh and art projects and she is very serious about her work! Leah loves preschool, Gramma, and best of all, Uncle. She frequently says, "Uncle is my buddy!!" She has the prettiest big blue eyes, the best laugh, the sweetest voice, and the brightest smile around. Leah has brought us much joy and happiness in her three little years.

She is our special little friend!